雨前
Praying For Rainfall
何其芳
He Qifang
| 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》

中文:
有几个已上岸了。在柳树下来回地作绅士的散步,舒息划行的疲劳。然后参差地站着,用嘴细细地抚理它们遍体白色的羽毛,间或又摇动身子或扑展着阔翅,使那缀在羽毛间的水珠坠落。一个已修饰完毕的,弯曲它的颈到背上,长长的红嘴藏没在翅膀里,静静合上它白色的茸毛间的小黑眼,仿佛准备睡眠。可怜的小动物,你就是这样做你的梦吗?

英文:
Some of them stagger out of the water and, to relieve their fatigue, begin to saunter up and down with a gentleman-like swagger in the shade of the willow trees. Then, they stand about to preen their white plumage carefully. Occasionally they give themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers. One of them, after grooming itself, turns round its neck to rest on the back, then buries its long red beak under its wings and quietly closes its small black eyes tucked away among the white find hair. Apparently it is getting ready to sleep. Poor little creature, is that the way you sleep?

要点:
1,“有几个已上岸了。”译为Some of them stagger out of the water,其中stagger较come更加可取,因根据Longman词典,swagger一词作为动词的意思是to walk with a swinging movement, as if proud大摇大摆地走; 趾高气扬地走;作为名词的意思是 proud manner of walking昂首阔步;趾高气扬的走路姿态。

2,“然后参差地站着,用嘴细细地抚理它们遍体白色的羽毛,间或又摇动身子或扑展着阔翅,使那缀在羽毛间的水珠坠落。”在此译者译为Then, they stand about to preen their white plumage carefully. Occasionally they give themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers.两个分句,我们也可以将原句以“站”、“抚理”、“摇动”、“扑展”等并列动词构成的一句,从语法的角度可以理解为一个并列句,以多动词句的角度理解翻译,译为Then, standing in disarray, preening their white plumage carefully, they occasionally gave themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers.

3,“一个已修饰完毕的,弯曲它的颈到背上,长长的红嘴藏没在翅膀里,静静合上它白色的茸毛间的小黑眼,仿佛准备睡眠。”译为One of them, after grooming itself, turns round its neck to rest on the back, then buries its long red beak under its wings and quietly closes its small black eyes tucked away among the white find hair. 对于这种多动词的句子,使用现在分词和过去分词是最常用的方法。

4,“你就是这样做你的梦吗?”译者在此将做梦译为sleep,个人觉得dream 更好一些~

综述:
注意本段长句的综合技巧,有时对于参考译文我们要辩证的看待。

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