雨前
Praying For Rainfall
何其芳
He Qifang
| 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》

中文:
我怀想着故乡的雷声和雨声。那隆隆的有力的搏击,从山谷返响到山谷,仿佛春之芽就从冻土里震动,惊醒,而怒茁出来。细草样柔的雨丝又以温存之手抚摸它,使它簇生油绿的枝叶而开出红色的花。这些怀想如乡愁一样萦绕得使我忧郁了。我心里的气候也和这北方大陆一样缺少雨量,一滴温柔的泪在我枯涩的眼里,如迟疑在这阴沉的天空里的雨点,久不落下。

英文:
I can never forget the thunderstorm we often had in my home town. Over there, whenever the rumble of thunder reverberated across the valley, the buds of spring would seem to sprout freely after being disturbed and roused up from their slumber in the frozen soil. Then tenderly stroked by the soft hands of fine rain, they would put forth bright green leaves and pink flowers. It makes me nostalgic and melancholy to think about the old times and my mind is as depressed as the vast expanse of North China is thirsty. A tear stands in my dull eye and, like the rain lingering in the murky sky, is slow to roll down.

要点:
1,“那隆隆的有力的搏击,从山谷返响到山谷,仿佛春之芽就从冻土里震动,惊醒,而怒茁出来。“译为Over there, whenever the rumble of thunder reverberated across the valley, the buds of spring would seem to sprout freely after being disturbed and roused up from their slumber in the frozen soil. 原文中的3个动词。”振动惊醒,和怒茁“其实是递升的关系,张先生在翻译时同时运用了主动语态和被动语态,使得原文的递升意义不复存在。现提供另一段译文。Those mighty crashes rumbled and reverberated from mountain valley to mountain valley, as if the new shoots of spring were shaking in the frozen gound, awakening, and bursting forth with a terrifying vigour.。这段译文很好地体现了递升的手法,同学们可以对比记忆。

2,“细草样柔的雨丝又以温存之手抚摸它,使它簇生油绿的枝叶而开出红色的花。“突出地使用书面语或文学性词汇,也是本文的特色之一,加之这句话既有通感,又有拟人,因此在选词方面要尤为注意

3,“我心里的气候也和这北方大陆一样缺少雨量“不宜按字面直译,可理解为” 我的心情抑郁,和北方大地干旱达到同样严重的程度。“将其比喻的意思翻出来,译为my mind is as depressed as the vast expanse of North China is thirsty.

4,“久不落下“汉语的否定结果比较单纯,否定词只有“不”、“非”、“否”、“勿”、“别”、“无”、“未”、“莫”、“不是”、“没有”、“决不”、“毫无”、“几乎没有”、“几乎不”等简单的词汇,汉语的传统是倾向于动词否定。

而英语的否定除借助词汇手段外,还借助句子结构和特殊表达方式来表达否定概念,既有动词否定,也有名词否定的习惯。

此处译者译为is slow to roll down, 是使用系表结构~表达了了形式上肯定,意义上否定的方法。

综述:
注意本段讲的否定句的译法~实际翻译时为了符合英语表达习惯,我们可以“形肯意否“或采取否定转移的方法~

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中文:
白色的鸭也似有一点烦躁了,有不洁的颜色的都市的河沟里传出它们焦急的叫声。有的还未厌倦那船一样的徐徐的划行。有的却倒插它们的长颈在水里,红色的蹼趾伸在尾后,不停地扑击着水以支持身体的平衡。不知是在寻找沟底的细微食物,还是贪那深深的水里的寒冷。

英文:
White ducks have also become somewhat impatient. Some are sending out irritated quacks from the turbid waters of an urban creek. Some keep swimming leisurely and tirelessly like a slow boat. Some have their long necks submerged headfirst in the water while sticking up their webbed feet behind their tails and splashing them desperately so as to keep their balance. There is no knowing if they are searching for tiny bits of food from the bottom of the creek or just enjoying the chill of the deep water.

要点:
1.在处理多层定语句“有不洁的颜色的都市的河沟里传出它们焦急的叫声“是译者采用了后置定语来翻译,译为the turbid waters of an urban creek,

2,第二个多层定语句“那船一样的徐徐的划行“译者巧妙地按其功能处理为了方式状语
swimming leisurely and tirelessly like a slow boat

3,“不知是在寻找沟底的细微食物,还是贪那深深的水里的寒冷。“中的”不知…”=there is no knowing…,并且对于“寒冷”一词的处理也比较贴切。

综述:
汉语定语一般为前置,而且很少使用超过两层以上的多层定语,这是汉语的传统。在英语翻译语言的影响下,现代汉语的多层前置定语已经成为普遍现象。与汉语相比,英语名词常常有多层定语限制,这些定语或前置或后置,或前后合并使用。明白了这些汉英差异,做起翻译也会稍微得心应手。