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                                                               Limbo
                                                           By Rhonda Lucas
                                                              颜林海点评
My parents’ divorce was final. The house had been sold and the day had come to move. Thirty years of the family’s life was now crammed into the garage. The two-by-fours that ran the length of the walls were the only uniformity among the clutter of boxes, furniture, and memories. All was frozen in limbo between the life just passed and the one to come.
(1)我父母的离婚终成定局【用词不确】。房子已经被卖掉,卖掉当日【理解有误】还得搬离。三十年的家庭生活现已塞入车库而完结【无端增益】。长宽为二四寸【理解有误】的墙壁只剩下杂乱的盒子,零散的家具与破碎的记忆【理解有误】。一切都在过去与未来的limbo中凝结。
(2)我父母最终还是离婚了【易产生原文没有的语用意义】。房子已经被卖掉,离搬出去的日子也越来越近了【理解有误】。而他们【无端增益】三十年的家庭生活现在就像是被通通的塞进了车库里一样,一切都结束了【无端增益】。而只有那不大的墙壁【理解有误】仍然是从前的模样,堆满了乱作一团的盒子,杂乱无章的家具及混乱破碎的记忆【原文反语修辞格未翻译出来】。而这一切,都将冰封在过往与未来之间形成的地狱边境里【limbo的引申意义为翻译出来】。
(3)父母的离婚如板上钉钉一般[无端增益],没有了任何商量的余地【过度阐释】。他们卖了房子,准备今天就搬走【原文句式意图理解有误】。在这个家里,三十年的生活,点点滴滴,统统被一股脑塞进了车库【过度阐释】。大大小小的盒子,各种各样的家具杂乱地堆放着,而我对家的记忆,也像它们一般零碎地散落在房间的各个角落。只有那四寸宽,二尺厚的木板整齐地放着【理解有误】。这小小的车库里,突然间一切仿佛都被冻结了;此刻,我们即将告别旧生活,离开彼此,开始新的人生。【胡乱改写】
(4)父母最后还是【用词不确】离婚了。房子已经卖,搬家的日子已到。三十年的一切【漏译family’s life】塞满车库整个房间。8平方米【理解有误】的房间虽仍那样【漏译uniformity】,但却在一堆杂乱的盒子,家具,记忆当中。这间监狱式的房子冻结逝去的与即将到来的【理解有误】。
 

The sunlight pushing its way through the window splattered against a barricade of boxes. Like a fluorescent river, it streamed down the sides and flooded the cracks of the cold, cement floor. I stood in the doorway between the house and garage and wondered if the sunlight would ever again penetrate the memories packed inside those boxes. For an instant, the cardboard boxes appeared as tombstones, monuments to those memories.
(1)阳关【拼音输入法错误】穿过【只翻译through,未翻译pushing one’s way】窗户,进入室内,洒落在一堆盒子【隐喻barricade没有翻译出来】上【Against所体现的空间感没有翻译出来】。就如粼粼的溪流,倾注而下,填满了冰冷水泥地板的裂缝【down the sides的空间感未能翻译出来】。我站在车库与屋子之间的门口,琢磨着将来阳光是否还会再次【用词不确】穿透那尘封已久的盒子里的记忆。就在那一瞬间,那些纸盒仿佛变成了祭奠那些逝去的记忆的墓石、纪念碑【的的不休式翻译】。
(2)耀眼的【无端增益】阳光透过沾着灰尘【无端增益】的窗户照射进来, 像一条发光的河流;一缕缕光线打在墙壁和大大小小的盒子上,最后流向冰冷的地板,像河水一般被溅起【胡乱改写】。我站在房间到车库的过道中,想着:阳光能否穿透那些被打包在盒子里的记忆呢?某一瞬间,一个个盒子仿佛成了一块块墓碑,哀悼着我们一家的曾经【用词不确,有点流行歌词的味道】。
 

The furnace in the corner, with its huge tubular fingers reaching out and disappearing into the wall, was unaware of the futility of trying to warm the empty house. The rhythmical whir of its effort hummed the elegy for the memories boxed in front of me. I closed the door, sat down on the step, and listened reverently. The feeling of loss transformed the bad memories into not-so-bad, the not-so-bad memories into good, and committed the good ones to my mind. Still, I felt as vacant as the house inside.
(1)角落处的壁炉伸出它那巨大的排烟道【拟人格未翻译出来】,消失在墙壁中,它并没意识到温暖空房已是徒劳。有节奏的呼呼声哼着【成份对应式翻译】那段尘封【用词不确】的记忆里的挽歌。我关上门,坐在台阶上,虔诚地倾听。我的怅然若失【成分对应式翻译】糟糕与美好的记忆之间来回转换,最终还是美好的记忆植入了我的意识【表述不清】。此时的【still漏译】我如同门内的空房间,空虚且茫然。
(2)墙角暖炉的管道枝桠状【消解了原文的拟人格】向四周蔓延,最后消失不见,忘记为这件空房子供暖【理解有误】。它曾【无端增益】努力呼啦啦有节奏地燃烧着,为我尘封的记忆唱着挽歌【成份对应式翻译】。我关了门,坐在台阶上,满怀虔诚地回忆着【理解有误】,那失落的感觉慢慢变得不那么坏,而美好了,停留在脑海里【理解有误】。但我仍感空如此屋。
 

A workbench to my right stood disgustingly empty. Not so much as a nail had been left behind. I noticed, for the first time, what a dull, lifeless green it was. Lacking the disarray of tools that used to cover it, now it seemed as out of place as a bathtub in the kitchen. In fact, as I scanned the room, the only things that did seem to belong were the cobwebs in the corners.
我的右手边是一个工作台,已经清空了,令人恶心,连一枚钉子也没有。我第一次察觉到眼前【it理解错误,指workbench,用词不确】是如此荒凉且毫无生气的一片草地。草地【理解有误】没有了昔日摆在上面的工具,这好似放置在厨房中浴缸,不得其所。而实际上,环视室内,唯一属于里面的东西是角落里的那些蜘蛛网。
 

A group of boxes had been set aside from the others and stacked in front of the workbench. Scrawled like graffiti on the walls of dilapidated buildings were the words “Salvation Army.” Those words caught my eyes as effectively as a flashing neon sign. They reeked of irony. “Salvation—was a bit too late for this family,” I mumbled sarcastically to myself.
The houseful of furniture that had once been so carefully chosen to complement and blend with the color schemes of the various rooms was indiscriminately crammed together against a single wall. The uncoordinated colors combined in turmoil and lashed out in the greyness of the room.
那些曾精心挑选以搭配不同房间颜色的满屋的家具【典型的成分对应式机械翻译】,此刻却任意倒落在一面墙壁上。而那些不协调的色彩混在一起,充斥在灰暗阴冷的房屋里。
 

I suddenly became aware of the coldness of the garage, but I didn’t want to go back inside the house, so I made my way through the boxes to the couch. I cleared a space to lie down and curled up, covering myself with my jacket. I hoped my father would return soon with the truck so we could empty the garage and leave the cryptic silence of parting lives behind.
(选自Patterns: A Short Prose Reader, by Mary Lou Conlin, published by Houghton Mifflin, 1983.)