Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to do that
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset
You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic and turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I want something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something terrible today
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice tits!
You look tense = I want to fondle you
What’s wrong? = What self-inflicted psychological trauma is it this time?
What’s wrong? = I’m guessing sex is out of the question
I’m bored = Would you like to fuck?
I love you = I’d like to fuck right now
I love you, too = I really want to fuck
Let’s talk = I’d like to show you my emotional depth as a prelude to sex
Will you marry me? = I really enjoy having sex with you
A woman came home and her husband asked her "Where were you last night?"
So she lied: "I was out with a friend and I slept over at her house"
So the man called ten of her best friends and all of them told him that his wife didn't spend the night at their house.
A few days later, the man comes home and his wife asks him "Where were you last night?"
So he lied: "I was out with a friend and I slept over at his house"
So the woman called ten of his best friends - 7 of them told her that he had indeed stayed over with them, 2 of them told her that he was in fact still there at their house and the last one said "Hello Darling, sorry for not calling you earlier!"
1.A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2.A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4.To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5.Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6.Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7.Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8.A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9.A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10.There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.