爱思英语编者按:阅读下文,专家将为你解析爱情变量表中的上升和下降趋势,教你如何阻止爱情变质。

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英国《每日邮报》顾问Andrew Marshall问道:“爱情的保质期比以前更短了么?人们分手的频率更快了么?”阅读下文,专家将为你解析爱情变量表中的上升和下降趋势,教你如何阻止爱情变质。

Relationships are changing faster than ever before? and so are the triggers for break-ups, says counsellor Andrew Marshall. Here is the authoritative guide to what's going up and what's going down in the argument charts and how to stop your relationship being derailed:

1. 降低期望值(上升趋势) One: Low Expectations (GOING UP)

我们“期望”爱情失败。“男人没一个好东西”和“女人都神经错乱”的想法已经从好友间的玩笑变成了自我应验的预言。我们等着新男友/女友犯错误,然后再将错误放大。

We expect relationships to fail. The "all men are bastards" mind set and "all women are bunny boilers" mentality has spread from being a joke with our mates into a self-fulfilling prophecy. We wait for our new boyfriend or girlfriend to trip up and then zoom in on their mistakes.

解决方法:如今,人们对不完美事物的容忍度大不如前。但是,如果我们能秉持坚持不懈的态度,更加相信自己,或许,我们不仅能解决这些潜在问题,更能收获一份亲密、美好的爱情。

Solve it: Today we are less willing to tolerate anything that is not 100 per cent perfect. Yet if we all hung in longer and believed in ourselves more, we would address the underlying issues and reap the rewards of a truly intimate and satisfying relationship.

2. 平衡工作与生活(上升趋势) Two: Work/Life Balance (GOING UP)

对比20年前,现在的我们工作时间更长,倒班更频繁,通勤距离更远。因此,两人相处的时间也就更少了。累了的时候,两人间的沟通就只剩下基本的“你什么时候回来”。

Today we are working longer hours, doing more shift work, commuting further and therefore spending less time together than twenty years ago. When we're tired, communication is cut down to the bare essentials ('What time will you be back?').

解决方法:增加二人世界的时间作为感情投资,例如:把每周四晚定为约会时间--即使不能外出,也可以一起聊聊天、听听音乐。很多寻求情感问题解决之道的情侣发现,这种集中的二人相处黄金时间比心理辅导更有效。

Solve it: Invest in your relationship by setting aside 'sacred time' that belongs to just the two of you. For example: make Thursday night your date night - even if you can't go out, spend the time talking, listening to music. Many couples in therapy find they benefit most from the concentrated, quality time they spend together, rather than the counselling.

3. 互联网(新增条目) Three: The Internet (NEW ENTRY)

争论的关键不在于花多长时间上网--不论是为了工作还是娱乐--而是网恋和浏览色情内容。一项1500名成人参与的调查显示,46%调查者认为邮件、短消息和聊天室导致婚外情现象愈发频繁;30%的调查者曾利用电子通讯手段调情、维持自己的风流韵事;22%的调查者每天都上网聊天,62%的调查者平均每周一次。

The arguments are not just how much time is spent on the Internet - for work or pleasure - but about starting deep 'friendships' in cyberspace and viewing pornography. Research among 1,500 adults found that 46 per cent believed emails, texting and chat rooms had led to a big rise in infidelity; 30 per cent had used electronic communication to flirt, or to sustain an affair; 22 per cent of them had done it every day and 62 per cent had done it once a week.

解决方法:这些问题需要防患于未然。在家里,长时间坐在电脑前就预示着某些事情开始不对劲了。不要忽略你的直觉。问问你的另一半为什么要在虚拟世界里浪费那么多时间。他们可能对你们两人的关系不太满意,而坐在电脑前实际上是在寻求帮助。

Solve it: These problems need to be nipped in the bud. Long hours on the computer at home are a signal that something is wrong. Don't ignore your instincts. Ask your partner why they need to spend so much time consuming 'virtual' life. They could be unhappy with your relationship together and the time on the computer is really a cry for help.

那么,哪些网络友谊是可以接受的呢?一些聚集了特定兴趣爱好者的论坛--例如星际迷航、训狗--通常不会导致爱情危机,但要警惕那些通过聊天网站建立的友谊关系。

So what kinds of Internet friendships are acceptable? Forums with a special interest - like Startrek or dog training - are fairly harmless but be wary of friendships made on general chat sites.

不管你的观点是什么,最重要的是要认真倾听另一半的想法。除非你们两人真正了解彼此的想法,否则都不能找到一个真正有效的妥协方法。

Whatever your viewpoint, it is important to really listen to what your partner has to say. Unless you both truly understand each other's opinions, you will not be able to find a working compromise.

4. 性(下降趋势) Four: Sex (GOING DOWN)

现如今,因为性生活而去心理咨询的情侣少之又少。但是,很多情侣只因为太累而无法享受性爱,甚至没精力担心这个问题。当性爱变成一个大问题时,最常听到的抱怨就是一个人已经睡去,而另外一个却很困惑、生气。

Fewer couples go to counselling today to complain about their love life. However, many couples are simply too tired to enjoy sex and some can't even find the energy to worry about it. When sex is a major issue, the most common complaint is that one partner has 'gone off it' - leaving the other bewildered and angry.

解决方法:不要陷入一个"全或无"的陷阱:要么做爱,要么冷淡对待。要保持身体上的亲密--即使你真的很累--可以亲吻、爱抚、拥抱。这些动作本身也很令人愉悦,而不仅仅只是性爱的前戏。

Solve it: Don't fall into the 'all or nothing' trap of either intercourse or a cold shoulder. Keep physically intimate - even when you're too tired - by kissing, stroking and cuddling. This is pleasurable in its own right, not just as foreplay.

5. 私人空间(下降趋势) Five: Space (GOING DOWN)

以前,总是男人们声称需要私人时间。现如今,身负工作、照看孩子重担的女人们也在呼唤"私人空间"。然而,由于这一代父亲(小于40岁)更多地照看孩子,这样反而更不会引起夫妻不和。

Traditionally it's been men who've wanted time to themselves, but today women burdened by work and kids are asking for 'me' time too. However it is much less divisive than before as this generation of fathers (under 40) are much more involved with their children.

解决方法:成功的夫妻既是队友也是两个独立的个体。因此,如果你的另一半需要空间,不要前去责难对方。一起商量一下彼此独处的频率和时间,在私人空间和二人世界之间获得平衡。

Solve it: Successful couples are both team-mates and individuals, so don't feel criticised if your partner needs space. Negotiate how often you each need time alone, and for how long, so there is a balance between 'me' time and 'us' time.