大雪无痕04

That night in the city, there emerged another group of people who couldn’t have a sound sleep. Fang Yuzhu, twenty-three years old, shouldn’t have belonged to this group though recently she was disturbed by something upsetting. Not trifles. For example, her mother was in hospital, her father was also ill and more worse she herself had been driven into a whirlpool of laid-off workers. But with an inborn open character, she would rather believe what the uncles and aunts at the Residential Committee said, such as “The living can’t be swelled to death by urine.”, “There will always be a way-out in hardships”, “Camels, however thin, are bigger than horses”, “If I have a meal, you’ll also have one.” What she was most convinced of was her father’s remarks, “Take it easy. No matter what happens, socialism won’t starve us.”, which made her sleep well at night though she only got one hundred and twenty eight yuan seventy-five fen each month. However, as a being in her twenties, she couldn’t have no opinions about the world she was in, which indeed would provoke people’s thinking. So she frequently felt skeptical, absentminded, anxious or even depressed. Once in a while, she would taste the human flavor of ‘insomnia’. For instance, she suffered ‘insomnia’ that night. She was unable to make it clear that in such a family with an upright father, a dutiful mother and an excellent brother (It was no exaggeration that among the six billion people, except the females, she only admired her brother “Fang Yulin”) and with herself clever and hardworking, (Not ugly either! Boys had constantly written letters of love to her since she was in Grade Six of primary school. Damn it. Do you know what love is?), why couldn’t she move to a new building with several rooms instead of staying in such a shabby yard? Everyone today would say that nothing was worrying about if there was a policeman in the family. But why did the policeman in her family seemed ineffective at all? The four members were still settled in a humble house, which was less than fifteen square meters, even after considering the passageway and where the stove was laid. What should they do?

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…With mixed trains of thoughts, Yuzhu turned over and over again in bed. Of course, Yulin couldn’t fall asleep either. There was only an old single-color curtain between their beds. Yulin was pondering over the case in the Lai Feng Manor, but he didn’t keep quiet. Instead, he frequently poked the lamp from the ceiling, letting various shapes of light, rectangular, triangular, flat or circular, shine before Yuzhu, which stirred her even more. Yuzhu was also worried that he might cause fire by doing so. There would be no pity if the broken house were to be burnt as it should be, but it would be of great significance if his future were ruined. Her brother would achieve great achievements in his career and she had pinned all the hopes of her family on him! She firmly believed it.

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“Brother, what’re you doing for? Just make me unable to sleep?” Yuzhu couldn’t bear it any more. She got up from bed quickly, stepped on her shows and was ready to grab Yulin’s stick. Then came the father’s voice from the other room, “What’re you doing? So late.” Yulin answered, “Daddy, nothing really.” Yuzhu was going to turn off the lamp when they heard a fit of coughing from inside. They hurried to fetch the thermos-bottle, which Yulin got first, but let her sister take away. Soon from inside came the sound of pouring water and of beating Father’s back. After a while the room became quite. Yuzhu came out in silence. Yulin took back the bottle and patted her gratefully.

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Yuzhu said in a low voice, “Go to sleep.”

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Yulin nodded, but still sat quietly in the quilt. After a moment, he put on his clothes and with a cotton-padded coat, he got out of the house.

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The lane was quiet and dark. It had stopped snowing long before. There was not a soul except Yulin. Only occasionally could he see a cart full of vegetables or other foods passing from the outskirts in the direction of a market nearby. Getting out of the lane, Yulin lit a cigarette and stood beside a bench at the crossroad. He was meditating what had happened in the Lai Feng Manor as he smoked. Not long after, footsteps were heard from behind him and vanished just when the guy approached him. Knowing who was there, he didn’t move.

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After a period of silence, Yulin asked without turning back, “Why are you coming here?”

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“Worry about my brother, of course!” was Yuzhu’s reply.

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“Hey. Who will hijack a man like me?” Yulin turned and was about to ‘scold’ Yuzhu, when he saw the fuzzy cap and the long black scarf in her hand. He felt the warmth rising from his heart, so he softened his tone, “Go back. It’s too cold here.”

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Yuzhu, with a mischievous smile, tiptoed and put on the cap and scarf for him.

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Getting somewhat embarrassed, Yulin retreated a few steps and grudged smilingly, “Take away your hands or others will think…”

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Instead of relaxing her hands, Yuzhu grabbed him by the arm tightly and said, “I don’t care about others’ opinions.”

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“Don’t play rascal here! Go back to sleep. I’m thinking about something.” Yuzhu pushed away her hands, for he was not accustomed to those over-intimate actions. Even in those days when he had developed a smooth relationship with Ding Jie, he would feel uneasy if ding was too close to him.

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“In fact… It would be OK if we had one more room… Then you can read and think…” A sparkle was suddenly appearing in her eyes. Before Yulin could make any reaction, she suddenly grabbed him by the arm and said excitedly, “Go, and I will invite you to have a beer. I’ve been paid today. The factory side has offered us laid-off workers some pension…”

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“How much?”

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Yuzhu took out two bills and shook them in delight, “More than two hundred yuan! It’s enough for us to have a good meal. With the rest, I can buy some dried shrimps and make a few dumplings. Mother is always expecting to eat dumplings in hospital… And then, buy two packages of cigarettes for Father…”

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The sight of his sister being moved like that by only two hundred yuan made Yulin think of the spendthrift ‘big notches’ or ‘rich ladies’ he came across in ordinary times, which disturbed his feelings. He quickly pushed the two bills away, took her to a restaurant nearby and sat before a clean table. After that, he himself came to the counter and bought two bottles of beer, a can of orange juice with grains, two small dishes and a plate of dry fish. Drinking a couple of mouthfuls, Yuzhu asked, “Brother, you are upset at night. Are you thinking about cases or your being punished?”

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Yulin finished his cup of beer in one mouthful and replied, “Who’s caring about the punishment? As vice-head, how can I take it seriously?”

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“Nonsense! Recently you often keep a straight face…”

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Yulin refilled his cup and said, “You see, I’m nearly thirty years old, but still single. How can I be in a good mood?”

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Yuzhu removed his cup, keeping him from drinking so fast. Then she said gloomily, “You are deceiving me. You are not the sort of man who will become anxious without finding a wife.”

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Yulin laughed coldly, “A man, nearly thirty years old, can’t get a private room for his sister. Father is ill, Mother in hospital and you laid off… Such a man has no way-out. Thirty years old! My good sister, how can I have a sound sleep?” his voice was almost like a screech which attracted other guests to look in their way. Yuzhu knew that these words were from his inner heart. These were also the things he felt most guilty of. If continuing, he would have struck the table and blurt out all the things he was disgusted with. So she made no sound any more. Half an hour later, they went out of the restaurant and walked in the cold street slowly. After a long time, Yuzhu said in a low voice, “Brother, do you know what Father said to me the other day? He said he had nothing to fear. He won’t fear Mother’s and his own illness. He won’t worry I have been laid off. But he can hardly bear to see that you are in such low spirits. He said you were the prop of the family. If you are in low spirits, our family will come to an end.” Yuzhu’s eye-sockets began to moisten.

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Yulin also felt sorry and so lowered his head.

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After a while, Yuzhu asked about ding Jie, but Yulin hesitated to tell her.

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“Nothing? She is the daughter of the commander.”

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Yulin stared at her in disgust, “Stop that.”

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Yuzhu was puzzled. “Why? She is really the daughter of the commander.”

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“You know I hate these words most. Don’t you know that it’s she who was going after me from middle school to college…”

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“A big boy has been chased for more than ten years! Are you still feeling honorable and great? I know you love Sister Ding in your heart, but daren’t chase her in public.” Yuzhu said loudly.

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“Ha,” Fang Yulin laughed grimly, “I love her? I daren’t chase her in public?”

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“Yeah. I tell you that she has come to our house in the afternoon. I hadn’t planned to tell you…”

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Yulin got a sudden surprised and asked, “She has come to our house?”

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“She said she worried about us, because my father is ill, my mother in hospital and I laid off. She also…”

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“What else did she do? Speak!”

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In a moment’s hesitating, Yuzhu said, “Don’t scold me if I tell you.”

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Having lost his patience, Yulin stared at her and said, “Tell me, you!”

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Yuzhu then said, “She heard the medical fees of Father’s unit hadn’t been submitted for more than a year, so she left some money…”

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Yulin got irritated. “Have you accepted it?”

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Yuzhu also said angrily, “You know her temper.”

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Yulin stamped his feet. “Don’t you know my temper?” At this moment, the beeper at his waist sounded up. He looked at it, but turned it off impatiently.

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